Sunday, February 17, 2008

"Electrical Over Peninsula"

We’re remodeling our kitchen.

I’m amazed at how my kitchen being in disarray affects my mood. I am off center, grouchy. I think my inner compass must be aligned with my kitchen.

The finished product seems very far off. I miss my husband; it’s hard for him to be a husband and a drywaller, painter, and contractor. He enjoys the work; he never complains; he just quietly and steadily gets it done. I find myself struggling with balancing the long term goal of a beautiful kitchen with the need to sacrifice the short term (instant) gratification I receive when I have his undivided attention. In other words, I miss him.

I don't know if I'm being helpful or controlling sometimes. I feel it’s necessary each weekend morning to write down a master list of items for him to do. For example, today’s list says 1. Hang cabinet on fridge wall, 2. Bust out wall, 3. Electrical over peninsula, 4. Trim opening – 2x4 framing, 5. Shop for lights, countertop, 6. Install lights, 7. Patch floor. My list could probably be thrown in the trash, but Trent never says a word. I miss him. When he’s occupied with the kitchen, he doesn’t pay attention to me. I feel disconnected like the wiring in our dining room.